Are you struggling to rebuild your relationship after infidelity? Do you want to make the relationship work but find that you just can’t get over the affair? Maybe you’re the one that cheated, and you feel like your partner is never going to be able to let it go and move forward. Infidelity is hard on relationships, but it’s not impossible to overcome.
It’s completely understandable if you aren’t sure how to move forward after infidelity. You trusted one another with your hearts, and that trust has been violated. It was hard enough trusting each other in the beginning; now infidelity has made it that much harder. However, therapy can help you through this. You can learn to trust again. If you both want it to, your relationship can thrive.
Therapy Helps Rebuild Trust
Infidelity puts a crack in the foundation of your relationship. In order to be able to rebuild, you have to seal that crack. Many people want to just gloss over the affair and move forward, but that’s ignoring the crack. Instead, you have to do the hard job of working through the issue in order to once again have that solid foundation from which to grow.
In the early stages of therapy, you’ll likely address a lot of questions about the affair itself. If you have cheated on your partner, expect them to want to know things like, “what made you choose that person?” and “when did the affair begin?” They might also have questions like “do you love them?” and “do you still love me?” The person who was cheated on might also want to know details about the affair such as “did you wear your wedding ring during trysts?” In some cases, they may want to know details that will only hurt them more. Your therapist will help you figure out which questions need to be addressed to move forward and which are better left alone.
The more open and honest that you can be during this part of the process, the better your chances for recovering your relationship. Therapy can help you deal with the uncomfortable feelings that arise for each of you during this time. It’s a safe space for talking about the infidelity.
Therapy to Deal with the Underlying Issues
There was a reason that infidelity occurred. That doesn’t mean that it’s okay. The person who was cheated on has every right to feel like their partner betrayed their trust. Nevertheless, it’s also important to deal with those underlying issues.
For example, did you have an affair because you felt like your partner was never paying any attention to you anymore? It’s not your partner’s fault that you had an affair. However, not feeling seen by your partner is a very real thing. If you’ve been trying to deal with this on your own, then your partner might throw the affair back in your face and never address the other issues. You might feel guilty about the affair, so you stop sharing your own needs. Therapy can help you work through those issues.
In therapy, you will be able to discuss all of the challenges in your relationship, not just the affair itself. Moreover, you will learn communication skills and techniques for improving your relationship that will last you a lifetime.
If you’re considering therapy for infidelity and affair recovery, but still have questions …
It’s okay if you’re not sure, yet, whether or not you want to go to therapy to deal with the challenges that infidelity has brought into your relationship. Here are some questions that you might still have:
I’m not sure if I still want to be with my partner after an affair. Why go to therapy until I know?
Therapy can help you figure out whether or not you still want to be in a relationship after infidelity. Many people want to make the relationship work but truly aren’t sure whether or not they can be with someone who has cheated on them. That’s okay; therapy can still help each of you. Sometimes, what you learn in therapy is that you are each better off separating. Therapy can help you do that in a healthy way so that you are able to start your next relationship without a lot of painful baggage. Therefore, whether or not you decide to stay with your partner, therapy can help after infidelity.
My partner doesn’t think that they cheated on me, but I feel like they did. What should I do?
There are many different forms of infidelity. If you didn’t set boundaries in your relationship in the beginning, then you might be on different pages about what cheating means. For example, you might feel like it’s cheating if your partner has a cybersexual relationship with someone while they say that it’s not cheating since they never met in person. The issue isn’t who is right or wrong; the issue is figuring out how to set boundaries that will work for both of you. Therapy can help you work through the feelings that have already arisen and allow you to agree on boundaries for the future.
I can’t get over the affair. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. But my partner doesn’t want to go to therapy. How can you help me?
Ideally, you will both come to couples’ therapy to work on your relationship. However, if your partner isn’t ready for that, then you can still benefit from individual therapy. You can work through your own emotions and challenges and take care of yourself. Putting yourself first might actually be the best thing that you can do for your relationship right now. Then, through therapy, you can figure out how best to work with your partner to move forward.
If you have additional questions about therapy after infidelity, don’t hesitate to reach out to us today.We are accepting new clients and will see you online in the comfort of your own home. We are here to support you in these trying and uncertain times and continuing to offer all of our services, through our secure online connection. Contact us today!